Crafty, crafty

It's been too long since I've gotten my craft on. Stop looking so surprised; I can be crafty! ;) My craftiness just happens to come in the form of making my own scrubs (usually sugar, but I've made a few truly fabulous salt scrubs for people), lip balms/glosses, and candles.  Ohmygod, the candles.  I'm still giving them away...;)
 In my SAHM days, I created several different bath salt and oatmeal bath formulations for the zilla. My girl is incredibly sensitive to scent and a softly scented bath has been known to work wonders on her overstimulated senses. I won't lie--they work wonders on a momma's frayed nerves as well.  That and some Tito's vodka (thanks, JenQu! )
In any case, my Fresh Sugar Body Polish is rapidly depleting--the zilla has discovered it's wonder and uses it as often as she can get away with--and the spendiness of said scrub is enough to send me scrambling off to my local natural foods store for essential oils and organic brown sugar.

So that's the plan. If you are interested in testing out any of my creations, hit me up. I always make too much and am more than happy to share.

<3

The winds of change are blowing, and they smell of freedom

Only one more day (as far as I'm concerned, once I'm up, this day is already in the bag) until a much deserved summer break. 

Three glorious weeks to spend as I please. I truly cannot wait. Summer session was an absolute beast and, as much as I love my boys, I need a break from them--and I am sure they need one from me, too!

Sleeping in and reading by the pool, anyone? Perhaps a few trips to the beach? Anything is possible--and that is an absolutely delicious feeling.

<3

Wasting days...

It is a lovely day, and we should be outside. Instead, the zilla is still sleeping (summer vacation is coming to a close--not too many more days like this), J. is banjo-ing (yes, I know that is not a word), and the Moo is stretched out, "sausage style," on the floor. I am steadily eating my way through several pounds of blueberries while catching up on my interwebs reading and a quick posting here and there. But mostly not there.

Eventually, I will need to get my ass in gear and accomplish something...anything today. For now, I am content to fritter away a few hours before my to-do list comes a-calling. And it will come. It is relentless.

<3

Twilight

You really haven't lived until you've seen J's masterful re-enactment of the Twilight saga. Fucking hilarious! :)

The zilla is a huge Twilight fan and J has more than agreeably sat through the two previous Twilight films with her so that he'll be "all caught up" when we take the zilla to see the latest installment tonight.

And, for the record, I'm not so much of a fan of Lily seeing the Twilight series but it's either J and I take her or her dad and his girlfriend take her. At least I know I will clap a hand over her eyes in a hot second. And yeah. Sometimes that divorced-parent-pressure thing is a killer.

<3

She who Dares to Stand where I Stood...

So many seemingly everyday, pay-no-mind, things evoke a thousand tiny memories of the people and places that have woven themselves into the tapestry of the person I am today.

I can never help but wonder if those individuals remember the same instances. The same memories. If someone else is standing in the same spot where I once stood and making his/her own memories.

So many seem to be in such a rush to erase the past. Or, as a friend says, "Give it the Eternal Sunshine treatment." I, for one, am in no such hurry. So I keep all those memories, all the fabulous and utter fail, with me. And I wonder if somewhere, someone is remembering too.

<3

On the road again...

A very short notice trip has me frantically packing up J, the zilla, and I and heading out to see some of my best girls. If you remember, my sister friends and I all converged on the great city of Chicago in March but some of the girls were unable to make it. A not-so-serious post about a road trip turned serious and now the Qu fam is heading this way to pick us up so that we can road trip it together.

This is the first time J will meet any of the sister friends outside of Qu and I am agonizingly excited. My girls have pulled me through some of the worst times ever and I don't know where I would be without them.

If you are a SF and reading this, I love you--truly, truly. I wish we could all be there this weekend. Can't wait until next year's gathering. Vegas, yes? Oh, the damage we could do in Vegas...

<3

Is this what driving brings?

Is there a better feeling than driving with the windows all the way down and the music all the way up? Wind rushing through my hair and singing at the top of my lungs. I almost never feel as free as I do in these moments.

<3

Come so close that I might see...

Curled up and attempting to read my Scientific American before nodding off for the night. This would be much easier if I were wearing my glasses versus J's glasses--especially since my eyes are so much worse than J's.
Where are my glasses? Unknown. Somewhere between here and Carbondale, most likely. Still crossing fingers that they turn up. I'm not really into spending $400 for a new pair. Yeah, I know. I told you I was blind!

In other news, we've got a couple of irons in the proverbial fire. Too early to say much more. But keep your fingers crossed for us, yeah?

<3

Waning sunday

Winding down after a day at the dunes with J. and the zilla.

Hiked my ass up one of the biggest dunes (elevation of 184 ft) and down the other side. Felt pretty awesome (read: had regained breath and stopped sweating like proverbial whore in church) until we realized that we still needed to climb some 2,567 steps to reach the next path.

Mad props to my boy, J. who kept his composure even when the zilla and I came perilously close to melting. Even attempted to help me with my piss poor map skills. If I should ever pull a Time Traveler's Wife, I will make sure to find my fourth grade self and set her straight. I mean, we can't carry a GPS all the time...

<3

Homeward bound

Zipping down the 15 with the top down, radio up, and sun on my face makes for a very relaxing last day of vacation. Headed towards L.A. For a brief visit to USC and Pinkberry (squee!) before our flight tonight. It's been an amazing week and, as Lily says, "A pretty good first family vacation."

Pretty good, indeed...

<3

Winding down

Sitting poolside watching the zilla swim with her "vacation friends" :). Today was an amazing day which included a photo safari of the San Diego Wild Animal Park. Feeding and petting giraffes and rhinos? I could hardly contain myself! Both animals are personal favorites of mine. To see them in such a spectacular setting and interact with them...it was a "bucket list" moment. J snapped a kazillion pics which I will post sometime after we get home.

We get home! So not tired of using that phrase yet.

Miss you guys! So many fun stories to tell.

<3

It's genetic

This evening while at skating:

Random woman: "Excuse me? Are you a hockey mom?"

Me: "No, I'm not. Sorry"

Woman: "Do you know the practice schedule for next month?"

Me: "For hockey? No. My daughter doesn't play hockey. She's in figure skating."

Woman: "I heard you. But you look like a hockey mom." (What does a hockey mom look like? Evidently, me.)

Zilla: (lacing her skates as this exchange occurs) "You do kind of look like a hockey mom, momma. You also look like you can see Russia from your front door."

Perfect deadpan, my girl has. It is growing increasingly difficult to not laugh at the things she says. And yes, I am aware of whom she gets this.

<3

So much stuff...

Just a quick break from the multitude of trips I am making from one storage space (in my old town) to my new, much closer, space. Originally, I thought I would be doing this with a decent sized SUV. Two trips--maybe just one?--and done. Instead, I am forced to load my poor li'l bug to capacity and make the trek back and forth. The plus in all this? A local radio station is playing nothing but music from the '80s which makes loading up the car and the subsequent drive much more enjoyable. :)

I know! I know! Some of you will say that if it doesn't fit in my apartment, I should toss it. I would love to, but I simply cannot. My storage space is filled almost entirely with books and a few miscellaneous item that carry entirely too much sentimental value. I don't have room enough in the mini-pad to display them so they are much safer in storage...for now. Not to mention that J's plethora of instruments are not going to fit in our apartment so they must make do by hanging out with my books.

Times like these I really miss my old house. I spent all those years filling the shelves of the spare bedroom with books. Only to banish them to a small (at least the smallest space offered), but temperature controlled room. My poor books. But I have faith that, in the next year or two, we will be settled in a house of our own and my "book room" will once again flourish. :)

Alrighty. Off I go (again). Perhaps a quick stop by the OP mall to snap up a bathing suit. The pool is open and the temps are soaring. I think an early evening swim might be just the thing to round out this very busy (and rather hot) day. <3

Til Kingdom Come

A mere 16 days until J. moves back. S.i.x.t.e.e.n. days?!? I can hardly believe it. My mood is both giddy and reflective as I think about all that life has in store for us and the road that led us here.

I don't bust out a whole lot of Coldplay, but this song seems to insistently turn up on both the radio and my ipod. Evidently, it really wants to be heard. And, since it speaks to my very core as of late, I see no reason not to share with you. After all, you have all been along on this journey in some way over the last four years. (And for that, I thank you) <3



Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

Roller girl

I LOVE to roller skate. Love love love it! When I am stressed or aggravated and want to go from cranky to child-like in a matter of mere seconds, I lace up my white skates (with hot pink and green wheels, tyvm) and skate. It's an immediate mood changer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could buy myself a pair of blades, but....they just don't do it for me. There's something about my old school skated and some knee high striped socks (hello '70s!) that fill me with boundless glee.

<3

Yellow car

Wonder why VW doesn't offer the convertible in my much adored shade of yellow. I'd snap up a 2010 if they did. Last generation of my beloved Beetle before they roll out the "new" model for 2011--it won't even carry the "Beetle" moniker. :(

Thankfully, my sweet yellow car is still running well. But as we race towards 150k miles, I can only hope I get another 150k from yellow car. Thank god for finely honed German engineering--I drive that car as if I have my own, personal autobahn...:)

And, yes, my Beetle's name is, most aptly, Yellow Car. The zilla named her waaaay back in 2003 when she started getting her words back.

The Dangers of Kool-Aid...

Zilla: Kool-aid in the eye is never a laughing matter, momma! Sugar causes blindness!

Me: That's in diabetics, Zils.

Zilla: Well...how do you think the sugar gets there in the first place?

Me: A Kool-aid shot to the eye?

Zilla: I rest my case.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

So going here when I hit LA. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm flying out to help J. pack up all his stuff and move him back here, but it can't be all work and no play. That's just not how I roll ;)

And, yeah, I know I can get my beloved Temptations vegan ice cream here. Still, there is something so awesome about having a place where I can go out for a shake versus making one on my own. Even if I do have to travel all the way to Santa Monica to get it. Another must on that trip? Pinkberry. Good god, I am an absolute whore for the Pinkberry goodness. ;)

<3 

Rise

As I head off for another day with my boys. I leave you with this. This book and movie changed my life, I swear it. So nice of my beloved Eddie Vedder to pen a soundtrack for it.

Happy Friday. <3

Tidbit...

Ever had one of those nights when things could have gone horribly awry and, instead, the night went perfectly? Such was my night. The zilla soldiered through an enormous amount of homework with nary a complaint, I made an amazing vegan chili,--don't tell the zil that it was Teese and not cheese!--a pre-birthday gift arrived from one of my favorite boys, although I am forbidden to open it until my bday, and I cleared half the space from my dressers and closets to make room for J.'s things--two months and four days. Time.is.flying!

Hope for the best/expect the worst. Almost always pleasantly surprised. :)

<3 

Raining in Baltimore...

The rain keeps coming down and I am so feeling this song today...

<3 

Moo in the box...

The Moo likes to hang out in boxes (see photo).  Any box.  Any size.  Doesn't matter.

My favorite part about The Moo hopping into said box?  When the zilla starts to sing, "I'm The Moo in the box..." ala Alice in Chains.


<3

Moo in the Box

10 weeks/70 days/1680 hours/100,800 minutes...

...until my sweetheart comes home to stay.  I have a lot more I want to say about this but it will have to wait for another time.  Just wanted to note it for the record :)

The weather gods have been kind to us and Chicago has been blessed with two glorious days of (almost) summerlike weather.  I, for one, plan to make the most of it.  The doors and windows are wide open and this tease of summer has lured my mind into the very near future and all the promise summer holds.  Post-bedtime wine on the patio, grilling up some tasty veggie burgers, countless zoo trips--the Zilla and I are members and it is one of our favorite places, lazy afternoons of dangling our feet in the pool, the lakefront--oh, how I love the shores of Lake Michigan, and maybe a trip or three to the Shedd--another favorite of ours.  I *love* summer.  I'm not a fan of the sometimes oppressive humidity--I would never make it in Florida, Louisiana, or the like--but the sun on my face, it's warmth on my skin, just make me feel...alive.  And it's due.  The winters here gut me.  But the winter is already retreating into the recesses of my memories and summer beckons me to come play.

Don't mind if I do...

<3 

We're gettin' the band back together...

If you've known me for any length of time then you know of my deep, steadfast love for New World Spirits.  NWS was (is, I suppose!) a St. Louis band that I followed--no, literally, I followed them--back in my Carbondale days. ::huge nostalgic sigh::  I was so sad when they disbanded (many years ago) and have been watching Google like a hawk for any NWS news.  Like I said, I seriously loved them.  Seriously.  Today, I added them to my blip.fm playlist and what should happen to appear but a little youtube clip of a recent St. Louis show--that I missed!  All horrors from missing said show aside, I am beyond thrilled to see my boys back together and making new music.  I've added them on fb and twitter and am eagerly awaiting news of another show.  Road tripping to St. Louis is old hat, and I am definitely down with showing them some love.  Though, I fear my ability to toss back Jager shots with them may have waned in our off time.  Oh, the Jager shots...so many blurry memories--compliments of a liquor that tastes like original NyQuil. ;)

Those NWS boys have a youtube channel

and...

A new website

<3 

Sloth may be deadly, but it feels so good...

Woke up this morning in an absolute panic that I had overslept my alarm by a mile.

No such worries.

It is that wonderful time of year known as spring break.  ::sigh::

The zilla's spring break was last week, of course.  Isn't that how it always happens?  Grrrrr!  Still, it was amazing to wake up at 7:00 versus my usual 5:00 wake up time.  My alarm, she is a cruel mistress. 

I told myself that I was going to stick to a schedule.  I would not just laze my days away.  But the weather outside is so cold and damp and my flannel jammies are so warm.  I am no match for the sweet siren's song of my couch and a steaming mug of coffee.

There is much to be done this week, for certain.  But this morning... This morning I am giving into my baser urges of slothfulness and curling up with the Moo.

<3 

Babylon (Babble on...)

It's about ten minutes to OMFG:thirty and sleep is nowhere in the vicinity of my neighborhood.  I'm snuggled up on the couch under several layers of warm, fleecy blankets.  I make my own fleece blankets--double layered and extra long so that my tall ass can properly wrap up within them--it's truly the only way to go.

This is a new experience for me.  Usually my writing keeps me tethered to my desk/table/art station/drop area for all things mail and school related but tonight I am typing away on a net book borrowed from my almost eleven-year-old nephew.  He invited us (well, technically he invited the zilla but since I still control the car I was granted an invite) over to watch Wrestlemania 26.  Yeah.  That's what I said.  In any case, it only took a few pleading words before I crumbled.  I'm a complete sucker for my niece and nephews.

In any case...

While there I discovered his prized net book was not working properly and took it upon myself to start tinkering with it--I do loves to tinker.  Several hours--and one blood oath--later, he allowed me to take it home to finish my tinkering.  A little file back up onto a flash drive, several rounds with Ad-ware and Spybot, an AVG install, and a switch from IE to Firefox and presto! his little net book is good as new.

Of course, now that I have it for the night, I feel obligated to try it out.  All in the name of testing, of course. :)

I must say that it is convenient to lounge under my blankies, sipping my wine, the Moo purring contentedly but I can already tell that a net book is not for me.  It's a bit *too* small for my needs.  More so than ever I am sold on the idea of a notebook.  A Mac, to be precise.  Oh, I know!  I can already feel the Mac hate bubbling to the surface. :)  I could get along on almost any notebook.  J., on the other hand, would greatly benefit from a Mac.  Garage Band, alone, makes it entirely worthwhile.  And since we will probably only have a single notebook between us; it only makes sense to buy one that he can get the most use out of.  I qualify for the educator's discount (yay, teachers!) and, if I can show I use it for school, it will be a nice little write off next year.  I'm still saving my pennies, but I hope to have one before the start of the next school year.

Speaking of computers and such, I purchased a new monitor this week.  My old monitor, a Dell circa 2003, finally left this earthly plain.  It isn't anything flashy.  Just a nice little--well, not so little, 23 inches of widescreen wonder--monitor that gave the zilla a case of the squees.  Evidently Club Penguin looks pretty sick on a widescreen.

I must admit that it makes streaming movies and videos much easier on my poor, beleaguered eyes.  I watched/listened to the entire first season of LA Ink whilst I cleaned this weekend.  I have such mad love for that show.  The zilla is positively dying to visit High Voltage during our LA trip.  She is quite the Kat Von D fan.  She even creates various scenes and "pieces" using her stick on tattoos.  Her current labor of love is the laying out of her full sleeve.  The pieces are all meticulously arranged for optimal placement.  She is just waiting for the end of the school year to rock it out.  Ever since she came in sporting five different tattoos, one in the center of her throat, the school has asked that she be a bit more conservative in her application.  The zilla is a sport and takes it all in stride.  We both know she is counting down the days until she can get herself inked for good.  And she is none to happy that my tattoo shop of choice will not let her in to watch while I get mine done.  Some things are just meant to remain a mystery.

Dum de dum...

I am fantastically behind on writing a piece for a local autism news magazine and blog.  It's nothing big, and obviously nothing paid, but I miss writing things which are a little more structured.  Sometimes I read my own horribly rambling blogs and can't believe that I can churn out a piece of proper writing.  My journalism professors would cry to see what has become of me.  Promising future, my ass. ;)  In any case, the piece centers around autism and marriage.  Heh. Obviously someone has a sense of humor.  I have no doubt that I can write something that enumerates all the ways to keep your marriage afloat after receiving an autism diagnosis.  The truth of the matter is that autism had very little to do with the undoings of my marriage, but this is neither the time nor place for that story.  And, it makes all involved feel better if we can just lie a little and say that it did.

I suppose I should call it a night.  J. is blowing up my phone and it is quite unusual for me to be up this late.  I am all about making use of this extra talk time.  I very much relish the idea of living in the same time zone.  We're under the three month mark.  And that is a very good thing.

<3 

Procrastination

Truly should have left for work 15 minutes ago.  Instead I am perusing my favorite blogs and drinking another cup of coffee.

Sometimes procrastination *is* sanity.

<3 

You got clouds on your lids

I didn't send in this secret--though it could easily be mine.

Postsecret--heartbreak and solace with my Sunday morning coffee.

<3 

Ketchup!

Ok, ok...so I am not writing an entire post regarding tomato based condiments--just a small nod to one of my all-time favorite movies, Pulp Fiction. (Google Uma's joke and Pulp Fiction if you are entirely lost at this point)

I have a bunch of pics to post so expect to see them show up in dribs and drabs over the coming week. I've given up on my 365 Project. I made it three whole days. I am, to quote my most quotable daughter, "The Master of Suck." (see very old myspace & wordpress blogs for reference to that one) In any case, I have been making a conscious effort to take more photos but snapping pics and uploading them on a daily basis ended up becoming a fairly sizable task. Basically, I made the very easy decision that I wanted to spend my time with the zilla and not online so you'll get what you get when I give it. :)

The first of many shipments of J's books made their way to our front door. Squee! We've decided it would be easier, and more cost effective, to ship his books and other incidentals home in stages versus having to rent a truck for our drive cross country. When we move him back it will be a one car deal. Talk about paring down! The biggest obstacle will be transporting his upright bass--on the move to California it rode shotgun. Sorry, bass, that's *my* seat. ;) J has plans to strap it to the top of the car but I'm a little nervous (hello, rain!). Still, we have a touch over three months to work out the details. On our end, the zilla and I are also paring down. It isn't an easy task. When we moved from the OF to our wee apartment, paring down was a necessity. A year later, adding another (very welcome) person to our little space means making space for him. The plus side? The zilla is more than amenable to donating various toys and clothes to make room for J. She is thrilled beyond words that our countdown has reached mere months. J and I know that the process of combining our households, and lives, is sure to be a bumpy one but we are excited and more than ready to make it all work.

My gram, and dad, are both out of the hospital and on the mend. My gram's strength and cognition improve daily. Still a little forgetful, but at (almost) 92 I am willing to concede that point. She is very eager to get back into her own digs but we are still a far cry from that kind of independence. Baby steps.

I'm also doing a lot more cooking. My allrecipes addiction has reached an all-time high and I'm pretty pleased with the results. Mostly soup and chili (I could live on soup throughout our endless Midwestern winters). I'll try to post recipes and links as to what recipes we try and how well they turn out. Nothing fancy--the zilla's burgeoning schedule leaves little time for labor intensive recipes, but I'll show you what we've got. :)

The sound of chatting outside our door means the zilla's home from her study date. And that means my time here is over for now. Hopefully, I will be back sooner rather than later...hopefully ;)

<3 

Just a box of rain...

My physical being may be cemented in the Midwest but there is always a piece of my heart that is cruising down the California coast with the windows rolled down, two coffees between us, and the ancient iPod filled with Grateful Dead songs...

Such a long long time to be gone and a short time to be there...

<3 

Fireflies

Fireflies, originally uploaded by superkarynfragilistic ♥.

What should be day 12 ;)
February 10, 2010

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've already shown that my commitment to Project 365 is an utter fail. What can I say?

This is me (duh!) rocking the fireflies necklace that recently arrived in my mailbox. It is so good to have people that love me. :)

Yes, this is also another raspberry and green combo--though not the same one I'm sporting in my first photo. You just don't realize how much of something you have until you are photographed in it. It's an illness. Seriously. ;)

<3 

The 5 Way

The 5 Way, originally uploaded by superkarynfragilistic ♥.

What should be Day 9...(oops!)
February 7, 2010

Gah! I've already missed a slew of days. How do people get this done?!?

In any case...

This is a photo of one of my most carb laden, comfort food delights--the Chili 5 Way. I've been making this for years and have tweaked the recipe some in the last three (is it three? four? I can't remember when I went full-force vegetarian) years to accommodate my veggie ways. Sometimes I tweak it even more to make it vegan, but I admit that this is one recipe where I much prefer the real cheese to vegan cheese.

Yum!

<3 

Oh, carbs and gluttony--how I love thee!

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday.  Now, even though I don't watch football (at all) I do enjoy some yummy Superbowl party type food.  This is a fantastic, carby loaded dish sure to hit the "comfort food" receptors in your tummy.  It is a take on the Chili 5 Way that is served at Steak N Shake...and it is, quite frankly, pretty awesome.

2 lb. Lean Ground Chuck (coarsely ground)**I substitute vegetarian crumbles to keep this one veggie friendly**
1 + 1/2 C. onion (diced)
1 tsp. celery salt
4 (8 oz.) cans tomato sauce
1 C. Water
2 (16 oz.) cans light kidney beans (with liquid)
2 tsp. garlic powder
1 + 1/2 tsp. garlic salt
2 Tbsp. + 1 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 (8 oz.) cans tomato paste

In a skillet on medium low heat saute ground beef and onions. When beef has been cooked, drain all grease and place in a medium large sauce pan. Add celery salt, tomato sauce, kidney beans, garlic powder, garlic salt, chili powder, pepper, water and salt, mix all ingredients.

On low heat place a lid on sauce pan and simmer for one hour, stirring frequently. After chili has been cooking for a hour add tomato paste and stir well. Place lid on pan and simmer an additional half hour.

1 lb. Spaghetti (prepare as directed on package)
12 oz Package Shredded Monterey/Colby Jack Cheese (we like a lot of cheese)**Soy cheese may also be used**
1 Medium Onion (diced)
Chili Sauce (Heinz)

Prepare spaghetti as directed and drain.

To assemble:
For individual serving :
In a shallow bowl or plate place:
Generous helping of spaghetti
3/4 C. Chili
2 Tbs. Chili Sauce
Chopped Onions (to taste)
1/2 C. Shredded Monterey Jack and Colby Cheese Mix

Top with additional onions to your taste. Any leftover chili can be placed on crisp tortilla chips for a light lunch or a great snack.

Chili sauce can be purchased at most grocery stores in the condiment area. It is sold in a glass bottle, and looks somewhat like the old glass Heinz Ketchup bottles.

<3 

This American Life

This American Life, originally uploaded by superkarynfragilistic ♥.

What should be day 5 ;)
February 03, 2010

Okay...so Project 365 should be renamed Project Sporadic.

My sweetheart lives (for now) some 2000 miles away from me. Yeah, it can be difficult, but after almost four years of doing the long-distance thing we've pretty much got it down. One thing that we both love is mail--though he is much better about the sending of mail than I. My latest bit o' love arrived today with his copy of TAL (seasons 1 & 2). I have some mad love for Ira Glass and all things TAL so the squee factor on this one was high.

What can I say? My boy knows me all too well...:)

<3 

Always a forever...

So I went through this phase where I *loved* Kurt Halsey.  Really loved.  Okay, so maybe it wasn't a phase--it lasted for years, but there was a span of time during which I certainly coveted all things KH.  And then, for reasons I won't go into here, Kurt and I kind of broke up.  Ok.  So maybe we didn't really break up since he has no idea who I am, but I definitely divorced myself from his work  Sold the pieces I owned, gave all my little magnets and such to friends--adios, Kurt!

And it stayed that way for years.  Years and years.  But lately it seems his work keeps flittering back through my mind and references to him crop up in my regular haunts on the interwebz.  You know, just here and there.  Nudging him back into my conscious.  Tonight I found myself on his site, clicking through his work, and then--an audible "Awwww!" (if you know me at all, you know the "Awwww!").  Just a little print.  No bigger than a sheet of notebook paper.  And I want it.  For reals. 

<3 

Always a Forever...

Score!

Guess who just received notification that she won a copy of The Conscious Cook.  Yup, it's me!  I *never* win anything (no, really, like never ever) so the fact that I won the newest addition to my vegan/veg cookbook collection has me chock full o' squee.  I shall post pics once I get that book in my hot little hands and try out some recipes.

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Stoic & Chatterbox

Stoic & Chatterbox, originally uploaded by superkarynfragilistic ♥.

Day 3
February 1, 2010

Every Christmas (starting with our second Christmas together) J. has made and bottled limoncello for me. He dubbed it the Stoic & Chatterbox collection. It is the present I most look forward to every year, other than anything the zilla may make for me, of course. :)

This year J. switched it up by making limecello. Next year is rumored to be a peachcello. No matter which flavor he chooses, the bottle will be finished rather handily and the bottle added to our growing collection.

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Day 2: Project 365

Seven, originally uploaded by superkarynfragilistic ♥.

The elevator that takes me to see my Gram. The 7th floor nursing staff lives in fear of me. That's just the way I like it.

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You can quote me on that

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."--Marilyn Monroe

Quotes and song lyrics have a way of working themselves under my skin and traveling through my nerves and blood vessels, firing off synapses, until they eventually come to rest in my brain.  There they take on a life of their own--seeping into my gray matter and leaking into my every day thoughts.  When I say I can't get one out of my head, I mean it.  

The above quote, from one of my personal icons--Marilyn Monroe, has taken up residency in my brain as of late.  And, in true *me* fashion, my brain has turned it over and over, hither and fro, like a quotation version of a Rubik's Cube; matching this particular quotation to so many people and events that are permanently stored within the vast caverns of my mind and its memories.  I feel as if I've lived this quote thousands of times...and probably will live it thousands more.

At this very moment I am in the midst of watching my Gram as she drifts further and further from us (this is a letting go that I will never accept nor with which I deal well) and on the precipice of a whole new life with J. and the zilla as we make our plans and preparations for his big move back.  A teeter-totter of emotions which wears me out on a near daily basis.  (Typing the simple phrase "wears me out" immediately sets my brain into motion and now the musical stylings of Radiohead's "Fake Plastic Trees" is playing within the confines of my inner iTunes--neuroTunes, perhaps?)  Two vastly different events, both hugely important in my life, which I have trouble opening up about and adequately putting into words.

Perhaps this is the reason that I find myself, and so much solace, in the words of others.  When my words fail me--as they often do--there is the comfort of knowing that somewhere, sometime, someone else has felt the same way and managed to find the words for you...

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Everybody Hurts

There aren't words to describe how much I love my Gram and how much I ache for her.  I managed to hold it together until the wee hours of the morning when my iPod shuffled its way to R.E.M's "Everybody Hurts" and my knees found the ground and I begged the fates to be kind.

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Day 1: Project 365

c'est moi, originally uploaded by superkarynfragilistic ♥.

So if I am going to start this Project 365 thing it seems a decent place to start is with a photo of me. I snapped this with my Blackberry (loves!) this afternoon to send to J. I like sending him random pics of what the zilla and/or I may be up to at any given point of our day. It helps the 2000+ miles between us not seem quite so far.

So this is me, rockin' a hoodie in one of my favorite color combinations. Thrilling. I know :)

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Project 365

Okay, so every year I attempt Project 365.  What is Project 365 you ask?  It is when you post a picture a day for a year (hence the 365 part).  Some do a daily self-portrait which, I will readily admit, I do not have the stomach for.  A retrospective of my face over the course of a year sounds more like torture than anything remotely productive.  In any case, I am *really* going to try this year.  That means no photos languishing on my memory card or on my hard drive.  They. will. be. posted. (I hope. I think  I'll try!)

In any case, keep and eye out for random photos and a Project 365 tag.  And we'll see where this takes us.

Baker baker

What were we up to this evening?  Only baking some of the best cookies ever.  E.V.E.R!  No, seriously.  These cookies are omifuckinggod good.

The recipe is  my own variation of Paula Deen's Three Chocolate Cookies recipe.  Easy enough for the zilla to step it from from helper to co-baker and amazing enough that everyone that tries them falls in love with them and wants the recipe.  They really are that good.

Needless to say that these cookies are not, in any sort of way, vegan.  But I will post the recipe from the next batch of vegan cookies the zilla and I rock out.

• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 1/2 cup vegetable shortening
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 3/4 cups firmly packed brown sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 (12-ounce) package semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 cup milk chocolate chips
• 1 cup white chocolate chips
• 1 cup toffee chips
  

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Lightly grease baking sheets.
With an electric mixer, beat butter and shortening at medium speed until creamy; gradually add sugars, beating until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla, beating well.

In a small bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt; gradually add to butter mixture, beating until blended. Stir in chocolate morsels and toffee chips. Drop cookies by 1/4 cupfuls about 3-inches apart onto prepared baking sheets. Bake for 11 to 12 minutes, or until lightly browned. Let cool for 2 minutes on baking sheets. Remove to wire racks to cool.

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Testy, Testy

Just a little test of the Mobile Blogging System. :)

He Sends Me Texts...

...with questions such as, "Can we bake our own bread and make our own preserves and grow some fresh herbs and spices?"

I find this utterly adorable.  And, even though I live in a postage stamp, I will find a way to grow our own fresh herbs and spices--Chia Pet, perhaps?

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Have You Ever...?

...come across an empty, but running, police car and thought, "I could *totally* steal this right now!"

Yeah.  Me too.

Listening to:  House Hunters on HGTV (I am madly addicted)

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Springtime Teasing...

It isn't "warm" by any means but it isn't as cold as one might expect.  My patio door is open and the cool air circulates through my wee abode.  A small, small tease of spring to keep me going through, what I imagine are, the the still long winter months ahead...

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Listening to: Speed of Sound by Coldplay (I know, right?) 

Life Leaking

Gram visits are currently suspended due to a raging head and chest cold.  As we were schmoogling (our family's term for snuggling) on the couch the zilla offered this little nugget of insight.

"Momma, why do you sound like a bicycle pump when you breathe?"
"It's because I have a cold, Lils."
"Oh. I thought maybe it was your life leaking out."

Yeah.

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Be Strong...

My Gram is sick.  Really sick.  In the hospital two-weeks-and-counting sick.  It began as pneumonia and has spread to a variety of other ailments.  The pneumonia seems to be responding well to antibiotics.  Unfortunately, her mind seems to be bearing the brunt of her hospital stint.

It started a week in:  mixing people up, forgetting dates, losing time...nothing that was *too* disturbing.  Gram is on the cusp of 92 so a few slips here and there weren't cause for too much alarm.  But today...today was different.  Today I walked into my Gram's room and was met with a completely blank stare.  Her blue eyes didn't light up, her hands didn't work their way out from her blankets to reach for a hug, nothing...just empty.

My Gram didn't know me.  Me.  Her favorite grandchild (Does that sound shitty to say?  It's true--so I'll say it).  The one who produced a little "princess" on which my Gram completely and utterly dotes.  The one who has sat by her bed for hours after work every day to help her eat and keep her entertained.  The one who, upon leaving the previous night, she patted and said, "Be a good girl, Karyn (which she has *always* pronounced Car-in)."

I was utterly heartbroken.

The next several hours were spent relentlessly dragging my Gram's mind back to the here and now.  Gram regaled me with stories about her bright, beautiful granddaughter (fyi: that's me) with absolutely no idea that she was talking to me...about me.  After each story, I would remind her that I, in fact, am Karyn.  Gram simply nodded her head and started unraveling another tale about something I had done or said.  At one point, she asked me if I knew me and when I might come visit.  "It's dark," she worried. "Karyn never is this late."

The hours stretched on and a nurse eventually popped her head in the doorway to remind me that visiting hours ended at 8:00 and that I had overstayed my welcome by almost an hour.  My Gram accepted a hug from me.  Accepted.  Tolerated.  No pulling me in closer.  Not a single pat on my hair.  A hug that you would give an acquaintance.  My Gram and I are huggers.  When we hug you, it's for real.  None of this half-way hug nonsense.  And, all the tears I had held back during the night began to fall.  I tried so hard to regain my composure.  After all, to my Gram, I was essentially a stranger.  But my Gram continued to hug me anyway.  Patting my back the way one would to soothe a child.  I straightened again and looked her face, a face I have looked into thousands of times before and whispered, "I am so sorry."  Gram grabbed my hand and squeezed and said, "It's okay to cry, Karyn.  All strong women cry and you are the strongest of them all."  Then she gave me a pat and sent me on my way.

It was only a moment, but I will take it.  It is what we strong women do...

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So I'm a Fucking Liar...

So every year I declare I am not going to make a New Year's resolution.  And I don't.  Don't really believe in them.  The closest I came was five years ago when I decided that it would be my year to "Think Less and Do More..."  It was a resolution meant to combat my overly analytical nature and just *do* something.  Be more spontaneous.  Be...not so...well, me.  A little over two weeks later I found myself out with a group of co-workers (my now sweetheart being among them) and decided it was time to put theory into action.  I blew off my ride, snagged one with him, and the rest is history (ok, maybe not a straight from there to here history--but you get the point). :)  Still, that was years ago and at the end of my year of "Think Less and Do More" I settled, quite contentedly, into my routine of eschewing all New Year's resolutions.

Until this year.

This year, I've decided, is my "Yes Year."  My year to say yes to all those things that, for whatever reason, I may have said no to before.  Before you get too excited, this doesn't mean you can call and ask me for asinine favors and I will readily agree--it's not that kind of yes.  It is yes to ideas, and experiences, and maybe even commitments that I may have shied away from previously. 

I have no idea how this will go.  Part of my mind is suspicious that this is a non-resolution.  I am rather open-minded and willing to try new things.  Still, there is a part of my subconscious that trembles at the thought of this.  A part that realizes that, for once, "meh" will not be an acceptable answer.  It could go either way--tricky stuff, those subconsciouses (subconsciousii?)

In any case.  I'll keep you posted.

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Listening to:  The sounds of one purring Moo Shu.

Here's the Skinny

I suppose if I am going to make any sort of semi-serious effort to post here I should tell you a little bit about myself.  So here goes...

I'm Karyn (duh).  I am a single mom to a rock awesome (in my totally biased opinion) nine-year-old daughter.  You'll see her pop up in most blogs as "the zilla".  The zilla was diagnosed with autism one month shy of her second birthday although my blog posts don't focus on autism nearly as much as they had in past years.  Another frequent source of bloggaliciousness is my boyfriend, J.  J. and I rock the long-distance thing.  For three years now (almost four). Yeah.  Really.  We do a lot of texting. :)  We also reside with an Oriental cat named Moo Shu.  Well...originally his name was Moo Shu.  Over the last year and a half his name has grown.  Currently, his full name is as follows:  Moo Shu Ninja-Cat Pork-Butt Schmooglehoffer Sagan.  The zilla adds to his name whenever the mood strikes her so as I type this his name could be changing.  I'll keep you posted.

What else?  Ah, I spend my days working with moderate-to-severely autistic children--the boys I have right now are aged 14-16. I won't lie.  It kick my ass every single day but I *love* my job. 

Ok.  So that isn't *it* but these little intro posts always make me feel like some Miss (am I too old for Miss?) America contestant and that just ain't my style.  If you have questions, ask.  I tend not to shy away from answers. ;)

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Mic Check--One, Two, One, Two...

Is this thing on?

So...yeah...hi.

I am so awful at this--the first post.  Every blog I have ever maintained (and there have been a number of them, let me tell you) struggled with "First Post Phobia".  I mean, this is it.  It's like a first date in the blog world.  Fuck this up and no one may ever read again.  That's a lot of pressure.  I suppose that's ok.  Quite honestly, I am still unsure of my intentions for this blog.  I have a wordpress blog that is fairly private and dates back quite some time (I use it to blog and consolidate old posts from blogs I no longer keep), but there is so much history there--my daughter's autism diagnosis, the dissolution of my marriage, the struggles to keep it all together as a single mom, the beginnings of my relationship with J...it's pretty weighty stuff.  And while I embrace the past, and all I have learned and the paths to which it led me, my daily (near daily, semi-frequently?) musings about the my life seem to deserve their own space.

So, this is it.  The first post in my new space.  The rest will most likely focus on our everyday lives.  They may be spicy and filled with explicatives or rather mundane postings of random recipes or things I have found and feel like sharing.  Mostly, it is a space for me to keep some sort of record of what becomes of the days that seem to slip by with an alarming rapidity.  Feel free to read and comment.  New friends are always welcome. :)

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